Rate My Cold Email

Entrepreneurship
1

I had previously gotten some feedback for some cold emails, but this one is a little different of a niche, so I wanted to see if anyone have any recommendations.

If you have any feedback on the email (OR the videos in the portfolio) let me know.

Subject: I’m 17, Can I Help Out?

Body:

Hi Mr. (NAME)!

Hope you’re doing well. Don’t want to waste your time, so I’ll keep this short and sweet.

I was scrolling Instagram and saw some videos posted by your (DEALERSHIP/COMPANY) about your (CARS/SERVICE) that you’re selling.

Clearly your (DEALERSHIP/COMPANY) is trying to grow on Social Media…but your videos should be getting much more likes and views, especially with (NUMBER) followers.

I’m 17 years old, and I understand SM better than most people. I know what works on the popular SM apps and what doesn’t, how to get more views on SM posts, and how to make people know who you are.

Because of this, I can help strengthen your presence on SM and grow your following/views. (I’m also certified in Marketing, and I’ve been a car enthusiast my entire life.)

There’s a YouTube link down below, if you want to check out a playlist of some of my work.

If this is something you’re interested in, let me know. I’d love to hear back and work with you.

Have an Amazing Rest of Your Day,
(MY NAME)

YouTube Link: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLbjpn5YQ3XE6grds0LrNoAWnvBgHlS2Gu

1 Like
2

Shoving the fact that you’re 17 years old down their throat reads like a ‘pity-me’ email.

Just try it. Test it. See the responses. A/B test emails and optimise. There’s thousands of companies you could contact, you won’t run out.

Also:

What? Prove it. Just being 17 years old and watching TikTok doesn’t make you qualified at all. Why do you think you know it better than most people? Do you have evidence? Past successes?

Edit: Are these even your videos in the playlist?!

Edit 2: Why does the car have a HOMING MISSILE coming for it!??!
CleanShot 2024-07-11 at 16.38.00

2 Likes
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Tell them you are 24 and tell them even though these videos are derrived from actual customers they are fully customizable for your needs

4

@emir.ozgun I share this sentiment, especially when the link to your Youtube channel doesn’t seem to give merit to the statements.

I also believe that a car dealership, unless it is for second hand cars, probably doesn’t have a large customer base that is under 25, so the generational gap between you and their customer base would likely make this statement not much of a sales pitch.

Change your subject to : I’m a car enthusiast, Can I Help Out?

In terms of the Body of the email, what are you trying to be a developer or a social media marketing consultant?

1 Like
5

Hmm , okay so complementing to your view , what about this ''I am a car entuhusiast , my father was an engineer who admired cars thought me everything about cars and inspired me to do this ‘’ That way young (dynamic) + generational gap closed.

6

No offense, but in reality, unless people know your father, nobody really cares about your father, what your father did for work or his inspiration on you. That line may bode well for college entrance essays, but not for a cold email in the business world.

3 Likes
7

But he is 24 he is young , no ? Well ‘‘I’m a car enthusiast, Can I Help Out?’’ You can’t put that on header ,

8

I mention I’m 17 because I talked to some automotive business guys and they mentioned that dealers love younger people.

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(Email from one of them)

Yes, they are my editors’ videos that we took with permission. They’ve been downscaled to protect from Video Piracy.

In a Car Edit, you abnormally mess with a car on Adobe After Effects to blow something out of proportion. It’s a norm on Instagram and TikTok and what gets more interactions.

Which is an example of how my age helps you reach more viewers.

You probably never would have guessed that would work, right? (I don’t blame you. Many people don’t). Check out the car community on IG and TikTok, all the videos that get decent views have something like that. It’s social media.

Someone could take a million courses on IG and SM, but they’ll never be as good as someone who’s demographic uses it on the daily. (I’ve got a friend who got 2M views on a TikTok for staring at a filter. That’s what SM is like today. Others getting 3,000 - 7,000 views for crap videos.)

It’s one thing to study the algorithm, and it’s another to see it in action.

But on a side note, I’m 90% not going to have a honing missile on a video for a dealer, unless that’s their vibe. Most videos will be like the BMW M4 CS, Audi A4, and BAC Mono edits. The point of the videos are pretty much, “Hey, look what I can do with a video editor.”

9

I think he is 17, but 24 or 17, it doesn’t matter, nobody cares about what somebody’s father did. I once worked as a doorman at a popular bar on one of the most expensive islands in the world…you’d be surprised how many people shout ‘you know who my father is?’ and the result was always the same, they were denied access on the basis of their own actions and no matter who their father was, it didn’t change what they did to get themselves thrown out of the bar.

Please explain why not…it is short, sweet and to the point. Gives the sense they may have something to offer (Can I Help Out) and gives the sense they have a passion for the industry (I’m a car enthusiast) which everybody knows, passion is one of the best drivers of success. The goal is to get the email opened to begin with, so you can not put into a subject line something that gets cut off due to it’s length.

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I don’t want to lie. It’ll catch up to me.

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About your point regarding the ages of SM users: a lot of middle aged people use IG. Younger people are more focused on TikTok, but ages above that use IG too.

Also, there’s a private jet broker in London (The Jet Business, look them up on SM) that increased sales because of SM. If Private Jet Charters are selling more because of SM, cars will 100% do the same.

I am trying to sell my Social Media Content Creation Agency.

I think that subject you suggested is okay, but it sounds more like a regular cold email. I thought that “I’m 17, can I help” would be something that stood out a tad bit more…

12

No one’s going to care unless I’m related to Bezos, Gates, or Musk. And it’ll only be for their investment…lol

13

About your story being a doorman: is that really something that people say? I thought it was something just in the movies. :joy:

I like your breakdown of the subject line. Maybe I’ll try it, my only setback is that it sounds more like the average cold email compared to "I’m 17, _______).

Because I doubt most 17 year old kids are cold emailing.

14

Using your father as a backstory is different than using it as a force to open doors . Coming from wealthy background I can assure you that it won’t work on bartenders or 8-17 workers yes , but on top level it definetly works , and I assume this guy cold mails business owners . So , powerful background story is always good . In this case we have fully customizable background story which reduces the generational gap between the business owner and mail sender .

Passion coming from fatherly figure at a young age is most certainly more powerful than saying ‘‘I’m a car enthusiast’’ .

[quote=“boston85719, post:9, topic:330490”]
Can I Help Out
[/quote] . It is shallow , it is like labeling your buttons as ‘‘continue’’ rather than ‘‘verify your email’’ or ‘‘verify phone’’ , it has to be something targeted like ‘‘I can edit your car collection for social media’’

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Email from a Dealer Owner I asked for help. I’ll probably be sticking to the 17 year old subject line.

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I don’t know your culture a bit btw , new generation quite a bad reputation in some countries right now . It can narrow your deliveribility rate just saying

17

Not sure what you mean, could you clarify?

18

I live in Istanbul so I can only speak about that culture , I don’t know about U.S or Europe . Basically , some say that young generation can do everything with internet they are blazing fast , others say they are lazy back in the days they were working hard . So , when you cold mail 17 years old solely , you may miss the owners that think latter. Thats why I recommend you need to bridge the other type of people with having a background story that bridges the two generation , and increase that age a little bit , 21-24 years old is good

19

Ah, I see. I think that doubt would go away after reading the email. Kids who are doing that stuff don’t put in that much effort.

20

That make sense so , use some complex words maybe ? As a general rule , I learned from a highly reputable guy , currenlty works at NYU called Damodaran , from his lessons that always have a story behind every action you take , every word in that mail matters . Like what is this

SM ? There is no reason you write SM there

what is playlist ? Maybe I don’t know what any of them mean