…cleaned up with the help of AI so I wouldn’t get banned for saying what I really wanted to say.
This morning I spoke with a friendly guy in the EU who enthusiastically told me that the Bubble forum is jam-packed with developers of “enormous expertise, quality, and trustworthiness.”
Naturally, I did what anyone in my position would do:
I burst out laughing.
You see, I’ve been on this magical quest to find just one — just one — developer who:
- Understands scope
- Delivers what’s actually asked
- Doesn’t break things that were already working
- Doesn’t ask me to drive them and their family to Niagara Falls
Yes, that last one really happened.
Let’s just say, if Bubble developers were Pokémon, I’ve caught ‘em all — the wrong ones.
Developer Type 1: The Freelance Freestyler
I marked certain tasks as “Hands off — I’ll handle these myself.”
A day later, they were not only touched, but broken.
Hiring this guy was like asking a babysitter to watch your goldfish and coming home to find a hamster in its place. “I thought it needed upgrading,” he said (probably).
Developer Type 2: The Disappearing Act
This one told me the job would take “just a few hours.”
One week later, no updates.
No progress.
But now? New bugs that weren’t there before.
It’s like paying someone to fix your leaky faucet, and when you check back, your fridge is in the driveway and the ceiling’s dripping.
Developer Type 3: The Side Quest Specialist
I hired a guy who had just landed in New York from overseas.
Before he touched a single line of code, he kindly asked me if I could drive him and his family to Niagara Falls.
Because when I said “I’m looking for a back-end developer,” apparently he thought I meant chauffeur.
Developer Type 4: The “I Fixed Something You Didn’t Ask For” Specialist
I hired this developer to fix something specific — we even discussed it in detail.
He agreed. I paid him.
The next morning, I checked in expecting progress on the actual task.
Instead, I was told:
“I thought it would be better to fix something else instead.”
Something I never asked for. Something that didn’t need fixing.
Meanwhile, the original problem — the one I paid for — was untouched.
It’s like paying someone to fix a flat tire and coming back to find they repainted your bumper and left the tire still hissing air.
I didn’t know I needed to include the phrase “Please fix the thing I paid you to fix” in writing.
Developer Type 5: The Unfiltered Button Smasher
I had another developer who believed every part of my app was fair game.
It didn’t matter how clearly I said, “Leave this section alone — I’m handling it.”
He’d go in, tinker, break something, then act like he did me a favor.
It was like hiring someone to fix your car’s oil leak — and they remove your steering wheel while they’re at it.
At some point I started asking, “Does this person read anything I send?”
How to Spot the Warning Signs Early:
Learn from my bruises — here’s what to watch for:
- Empty Bios:
If a developer can’t even take the time to build a simple site showing off their skills, that’s not humble — it’s a red flag. - No Face, No Trace:
When all you see is a cartoon avatar or a blank image, that’s usually a clue. Professionals show up — and that includes profile pics. - No References or Portfolio Links:
If someone gets cagey about showing examples of past work, you’re not hiring a developer — you’re hiring a mystery.
Why I Wrote This (With AI’s Help)
Honestly, if I had written this without help, there’d be a lot more four-letter words and a permanent ban on my forum account.
But with a little help from AI, I’ve kept it clean — and maybe even helpful.
To the rare developers who actually communicate, deliver what’s asked, and don’t hijack your project or your car keys:
You’re appreciated more than you know.
To everyone else:
Please stop applying. You’re making the internet worse.
I hope you can find someone that will actually be able to assist with your project. I have hired several developers over the years and I have never experienced that.